


Two Sides of Every Story, Plus the Truth.

by goddess_julie



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Angst, Angsty Schmoop, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2018-01-01 08:30:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1042610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddess_julie/pseuds/goddess_julie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zach's an asshole.  Until he's not.  But maybe it wasn't ever that he WAS, but moreso that he was just protecting his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Sides of Every Story, Plus the Truth.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as my Day 11 fic for Mini Nanowrimo on LJ. I'm doing 30 fics in 30 days in different fandoms.
> 
> Pinto angst. I was feeling ridiculously morose and melancholy yesterday and saw the LJ quote prompt of _""That was the moment he got the idea he possessed me in a certain way, and that was the moment I grew tired of him." ~Jamaica Kincaid_
> 
> I got all of these ideas in my head and while I don't think I actually captured the weight of what the quote was saying, this was my interpretation of it, Pinto style.

“You Zachary Quinto, are an asshole.”

Zach flicked the ashes from his cigarette with a bored roll of his eyes. He sipped the glass of bourbon that had been placed in front of him as he debated his argument of defence. Really, he knew he didn’t have one, at least not one good enough that it would count, but it didn’t matter. It never did.

“Please Karl, I beg you to tell me why. Why do YOU think I’m an asshole?” He watched his friend gear up for more of the same bitching he’d been doing for the past hour and held his hand up in protest. “I don’t want to know why Chris thinks I’m an asshole. Or Zoe. Or anyone else you feel the need to defend right now. I want to know why YOU think I’m an asshole. What have I done to you personally to make you think that?”

“Just because you didn’t fuck me over personally, doesn’t mean I can’t think you’re an asshole,” Karl replied in annoyance. “I love you Quinto, I do. I think you’re a fucking genius and one of the most professional men I’ve met in this business, especially in this part of the world, but you’re still an asshole.”

Zach afforded his friend a grim smile and took a long drag from his cigarette. “If you knew just how much of an asshole I can be, you’d be a hell of a lot angrier at me right now.”

“I’m not nearly as angry…” Karl started before being cut off. 

“I don’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear it from him so I sure as hell don’t want to hear it from you.” Zach warned darkly. “So unless you know exactly what you’re talking about, I’d say you need to shut the fuck up. Now.”

“This is why I think you’re an asshole,” Karl admitted. He stood up sharply, downed the remainder of his drink and threw a few bills on the counter in front of him. “Because you don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself.”

Zach’s laughter only seemed to fuel Karl’s anger.

“I get that you feel the need to be miserable. You don’t want to be happy, that’s one thing. But to completely wreck someone else, so brutally and heartlessly… I don’t even know what to say to you.”

Zach’s fist flew towards Karl’s mouth before either of them could register him moving. When Karl had stumbled back, flush against a table that was a few feet behind him, he covered his split lip and wiped the traces of blood that escaped.

“I told you to shut up,” Zach hissed angrily. He was trembling from anger, from a drunken rage that was fueled by Karl’s smug smile.

“So you do care?” Karl spat. “At least you’re not completely heartless.”

Karl reached into his wallet, pulled a few more bills to pay for Zach’s share of their tab and grabbed the smaller man by the shirt sleeve. 

“Where are you taking me?” Zach growled, trying to remove himself from the other man’s grip but unable to manage it.

“I’m taking you home. You’re going to sleep this off and then when you’re at least slightly rational, we’re going to talk.” 

“I don’t have anything to talk to you about.” Zach’s voice was almost petulant, Karl nearly expected him to stamp his feet as well.

“Well, you’ve just clocked me in the mouth,” Karl growled angrily. “Now I’m going to have to explain to make up what the fuck happened to my pretty face and how Zachary fucking Quinto managed to get a punch in before I could even move and defend my honour.”

Even Zach had to laugh at that. He wasn’t one to resort to physical violence. Ever.

“So you owe me an explanation on what the fuck is so wrong with you that you punched me.”

“You’re pretty fucking sexy with a bruised face. Makes you look bad.”

Karl snorted, shoving Zach into a taxi and rattling off the other man’s address. “I’m pretty fucking sexy without the split lip and the bruise you asshole. And I’m serious, you’re writing me a note as to why my sexy face is black and blue and can explain to make up on Monday morning what the fuck happened.”

The rest of the ride was silent and only when they got to Zach’s house and Karl told him to drink some water and sleep it off, did either man speak. “We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Not bloody likely,” was all Zach said as he flipped his friend off and slammed his bedroom door.

~~

Sunday morning was a somber affair. Karl’s face had swollen where his lip was split and a harsh purple bruise decorated his jaw. Zach winced, whether it be from his hangover or an apology for Karl’s face as he made coffee for them both.

Over pancakes, cooked by Karl, did the conversation start.

“I’ve worked out what the problem is on my own, so you don’t even need to tell me. Just nod if I’m right, shake your head if I’m wrong and then we can go on like it never happened,” Karl said in a gruff tone.

Zach afforded himself a smile as he bit into his breakfast. “Please Mr. Urban, tell me what you think is my problem.”

“You’re in love with him. You thought it was fun, you thought he was the unattainable Chris Pine. Flirty and playful, the most omnisexual straight man in the world. You’ve spent five years in this purgatory of a relationship with him and then finally, finally you two get your shit together. He stops fucking around with your emotions, you stop pretending that you’re just playing. And now that you’ve let yourself be in love with him, you can’t take it. So you tell him to fuck off.”

It was so close to the truth that Zach immediately felt his vision turn blurry. His pulse began to race and the walls started to close in on him. “Fuck you.”

“Oh, did I touch a nerve?” There was no hint of mockery in Karl’s voice, just honest realization.

“Fuck off.”

“He wanted more. I’ve walked in and out of rooms too many times where neither of you realize you’re not alone to know this isn’t new. Whether or not he’d admit it in the morning, or ten minutes after, I’ve spent the last five years knowing something is going on between you both. I haven’t said anything because it’s not my fucking business.”

“You’re right. It isn’t.” Zach refused to look at his friend, his eyes focused directly on his coffee cup in front of him.

“You brush it off, he pretends it hasn’t happened. He brushes it off, you pretend it doesn’t bother you.”

“It’s nothing. It’s always been nothing.”

“I don’t know what it is between you and Chris, Zach, but I know one thing and it’s that it isn’t nothing. It’s never been nothing.”

Zach raised his eyes and for the first time since the conversation started, he looked Karl directly in the eye. He felt his resolve crumble and the anger ebb away. He was so tired of being angry, of being confused and hurt and fucking furious.

“I don’t know what happened this last time. But when I get a phone call from Zoe saying she’s worried about Chris. How she hasn’t heard from him in at least a week despite leaving a dozen or so messages a DAY. I go and visit him and he looks like hell, Zach. He is wrecked right now and then I see you and you don’t look any better. So fuck me for being worried.”

With a shove of his hand, Zach pushed his half eaten breakfast away. The sickly sweetness of the syrup was making him nauseous at the moment. He rest his head on his hands on the table in front of him.

“You’re right,” Zach murmured against his arm.

Karl remained silent, knowing Zach would continue.

“I’m so fucking stupid. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him and he’s Chris. The same Chris who time after time just kisses me and tells me he’s glad that we can do this, be friends and not get attached. Yeah, we can fuck but then that’s it. He’s off to his next girlfriend or project and I’m put back on the shelf until he’s horny or drunk or just needs someone to make him feel better.”

“What was different this time?”

Zach let out a bitter laugh. “I told him I loved him. And I realized I meant it, like fucking LOVE him. And he said that was nice and he loved what we do too. He loved how easy it was between us and how he could always count on this, on me being there when he needed me.”

Karl covered his eyes with his hands as he shook his head in disappointment. “Zach..”

“No,” Zach stopped him with a sharp bark. “No. Don’t you dare try to fucking justify it to me. I tell him I fucking love him and he responds with the fact that he loves fucking me.”

“So you walked away,” the realization dawned on Karl. His heart broke at the broken man in front of him.

“I had to. I can’t…” Zach’s eyes filled with tears. “I can’t do it anymore Karl. And that might make me selfish. That might make me an asshole, but I can’t. I can’t be what he needs me to be for him. Not when it makes me feel like nothing. I told him that I loved him but not to call me again. Ever.”

Karl stood up and pulled Zach to his feet, embracing the man in a warm hug. “Man, I didn’t know.”

“I know,” Zach admitted, sighing into his friend’s arms.

“And that was, what,” Karl thought back to the messages on his phone, the accounts he’d gotten from Zoe and John it had been nearly a month earlier. “A month ago?”

“Twenty seven days,” Zach admitted softly as he wiped his eyes. “And of course everyone thinks it’s something I’ve done, and I’m fine with that. It’s how it has to be I guess. I’m the heartless one. I’m the one that’s been using him all this time…”

“Stop,” Karl said softly. “It’s not like that at all. You’ve pushed us all away, you won’t talk to any of us and we’re worried.”

Zach pulled away and took a few deep breaths. “And now you know. So now you can all stop worrying and we can forget it happened.” He cleared the table of the dishes and started to wash them, ignoring Karl’s desire to continue their conversation. “I’m sure you can let yourself out, you’ve got what you’ve come for.”

~~

The sun was setting as Zach looked out from his back porch. He felt no better than he had that day, hell, than he had all month but thankfully his phone had stopped ringing and whoever had been calling had gotten the message that he didn’t want to talk.

The sound of his alarm echoed through the serene silence startling him. Noah began barking uncontrollably as though trying to defend their house and Zach ran inside, picking up a baseball bat he kept next to the patio doors.

“What the fuck?” Chris was yelling, jamming a series of numbers into the key pad of the alarm system. “You changed the code?”

Zach pushed him out of the way and keyed in his override code. Seconds later the phone rang and he answered, assuring the security company that everything was fine and it was a false alarm. When he hung up the phone he looked at the other man in astonishment. “Of course I changed the fucking code Chris.”

“What for?”

“Oh I don’t know, so people who used to have full access to my house wouldn’t just let themselves in?”

“Well maybe if you would answer your god damn phone when I call I wouldn’t have to break into your fucking house.”

“Well maybe if you got the fucking clue that I don’t want to fucking talk to anyone you would have saved yourself the fucking effort of breaking and entering.”

Chris threw up his hands in frustration, storming through the house towards the kitchen. 

“What are you doing here Chris?” Zach asked angrily, following the other man.

“Trying to talk to you. I’ve BEEN trying to talk to you for four fucking weeks and you’re avoiding me. And I get it, I fucked up. Big. I am the biggest asshole on this planet, but how can I make it better if you don’t let me?”

Zach fought to keep the carefully constructed walls erect around his heart. “Maybe I don’t want to let you? Did you think of that Christopher? That maybe this is what I want?”

“If this was what you wanted,” Chris pointed out softly, “You wouldn’t be so damn miserable. You wouldn’t have nearly broken Karl’s jaw and you wouldn’t still love me as much as I know you do.”

Zach’s heart nearly stopped at Chris’ words, his breath was caught in his throat and he felt his whole body tremble. 

With each step that Chris took forward, Zach took one back until they were both flush against the fridge, chest to chest.

“How am I supposed to tell you how fucking sorry I am if you won’t let me?” Chris asked, tears filling his eyes. He brought his hand up to cup Zach’s cheek but stopped mere centimetres away as if unsure if he was allowed to touch. “How do I tell you that I was wrong? That I love you so much I’m fucking terrified and thought that if I kept you at an arm’s length it wouldn’t hurt as much when you left me?”

Zach sagged against Chris’ body, letting the other man pull him close in the first contact they’d had in a month. 

“You … you can’t say it…” Zach whispered softly, his voice broken. “You don’t get to say it and not mean it.”

“You scare the shit out of me Zachary Quinto,” Chris confessed. “Since the day we met and then I kept telling myself it was okay if it was casual. That it didn’t mean anything and then at some point I began to believe it. Even though I knew it was bullshit. And … seeing you hurt, seeing you broken broke me. And I realized how fucking stupid I was. How I tried to save my heart and instead, broke it. Broke yours.”

Both men were crying openly now, their faces a breath apart. 

“And I’m so fucking sorry,” Chris whispered.

“I love you so much,” Zach’s admission brought Chris’ lips down on his in a messy, emotional kiss. 

“I know,” Chris replied. “I love you too. I think I always have.”

Wrapped up in each other’s arms, whispering to one another and sharing lengthy kisses and promises was where Karl found them nearly two hours later. He entered the house, disarming the alarm, much to Chris’ resentment.

“He knows your alarm code?” Chris asked as Karl made himself comfortable on the chair next to the sofa, where they were currently wrapped up in one another.

“Of course I know his code,” Karl said with a smirk. “Who do you think got his drunk ass home last night?”

“What is it?” Chris asked Zach, his lower lip protruding in a pout. Zach grinned as he kissed the other man, ignoring Karl’s laughter. 

“Can I tell him?”

Zach nodded as he leaned in to nuzzle at Chris’ throat. 

“It’s your birthday jackass,” Karl said with a laugh. Zach joined in at the look of confusion on Chris’ face. 

“Huh?”

“Eight. Two Six. Eighty.” Karl rolled his eyes and stood up. “If that doesn’t scream gay for you, I don’t know what does.”

Zach’s laughter was so loud it startled Noah enough to run into the bedroom and hide. “I’m not just gay for Chris jackass, I’m gay.”

Karl’s eyes roamed up and down the two men entwined on the couch. Their legs were tangled together, Chris had one hand under Zach’s shirt while Zach had one in Chris’ back pocket. “That you are son! The gayest.”

“Says the man who would fuck Anton if he’d just ask nicely,” Chris snorted, hiding his face in Zach’s chest.

Expecting the older man to react, both men were surprised when he only chuckled. “It doesn’t even have to be nicely. Now that I know you’re both off of suicide watch, I’ve got to go. I’m meeting Cho for some sushi in forty on the other side of LA and god knows what a bitch he can be if you’re late.”

Both men on the couch nodded in agreement. “He’ll order a shit ton of stuff before you get there and then guilt trip you into paying before you see how high he racked the bill up.”

“Tokyo,” Zach agreed, kissing Chris playfully on the mouth. One kiss led to another which lead to Karl excusing himself loudly and slamming the door on his way out.

Neither missed his exit.

It was just as they were both drifting off to sleep, still on the couch wrapped up in one another that Chris finally spoke. “You know this is it for me right?”

Zach sleepily opened his eyes and let a smile grace his lips. “I know.”

“And I love you. Not just this, not just what we do but you. Beyond the sex and fucking and everything else.”

“I know.”

Their eyes met and Chris kissed Zach softly, a simple press of their lips together. As they settled in, Zach’s face pressed into the crook of Chris’ neck, his lips next to his lover’s ear he whispered his response.

“I love you too.”

FINIS


End file.
